mrs. oh my god

I heard that familiar FOX Football theme theother day while watching an Indianapolis preseason game (thank you very much, they beat the Eagles). That music instantly brings to mind cuddling up on the couch with my Colts blanket, thick winter socks, the snap in the air that brings winter, the smell of chili, the warmness of hot cocoa in my favorite cup. Watching my teams kick ass almost pales in comparison.

I said almost. I've been waiting six freaking months to watch legit football on TV. Maybe the Colts will go to the Super Bowl this year; maybe not. As longs as the goddamned Patriots don't, things will be okay.

I am becoming more and more paranoid of a serious infection in my girly parts. I hope it's just yeast or something minor that will go away after my course of antibiotics. reserching has been both eye-opening and frightening. If my goddamn gynecoclogist had given me antibiotics after insertion LIKE I FUCKING ASKED FOR i think I would be okay. Still...i get a "kicking" feeling every now and then in my belly. maybe my mirena has sprouted legs and wants to show off its tap-dancing skills. Or it wants out because my uterus is Alcatraz.

I see my boyfriend in a couple weeks and after 5 months of celibacy, dare I say we shall be animals. I want my infection or whatever to go away so I can get busy. It's important to my health.

I can hear fireworks in the distance and really want a charred, hot off the grill hot dog. I swear the carcinogenic black film that coats each burned dog is the essence of umami.

In other news, the IUD I have makes me cramp like a motherfucker and I feel like I'm on my period. I move like I'm on my period. It's my period without the horor movie gore. No wonder it feels different.

I don't know why I am writing here. I have no friends on LJ who can read what I write and add their wisdom. Maybe that's precisely why I'm writing. I need to get some things out, like my horrible thoughts about getting shot in the head, but then agin what's therapy for? But I am a great writer. I wish I could be a chef. A food writer maybe.

I've succumbed to the knowledge that I am a 'took woman' as some people say. I'm getting married later. I will have children with this man and we will all be happy while I cook dinner for everyone and be perfect and oh so charming and sexual, my God.

I want to balance my sexuality with being a good woman. Is that possible?

Vaginas creep me out.

I've only been posting in one particular community, completely ignoring my journal. I used to write on here all the time and made friends doing so. My life now is too boring to really write about. I have no friends; I'm horrible at keeping in touch. I have one male friend who does the same thing and our friendship goes smoothly. People require too much attention. This is why I have cats.

I'm on depression and anti-anxiety medications. It's easier admitting that when no one knows me or what I look like.

I've been grappling with getting an IUD. I know I'm getting one...this Thursday as a matter of fact. I know it will hurt. But that's the only thing going on that I can focus on and pay attention to. I have a loving boyfriend who lives 3 hours away so that's kind of boring. He's not boring. It's the communication. Nothing going on in either of our lives. He lifts weights and I'm getting a Mirena. Tomato, tomatoe.

Is it shallow that the only motivationg factor for me to choose getting an IUD is my lack of sex drive? I hate birth control pills. Ortho Tri Cyclen Lo and the stupid dialpak. I lose half of the damn things because I have to push on the plastic bubbles so hard and they fly away. And I haven't been interested in nooky since the Super Bowl. God bless the Steelers.

I think I have a UTI. Great.